A Message for Dads of Daughters with Trichotillomania
- Interview with Paul D. Schumacher, M.D.
- Reprinted from In Touch #47 © 1997
- © Trichotillomania Learning Center, Inc. 2008. All Rights Reserved
EDITOR'S NOTE: At a previous TLC conference, we had a session for people wanting to get more involved in TLC outreach. Dr. Schumacher was present at that meeting, and felt deeply that reaching out to other Dads was a very important area, as he was sure there were many who were struggling with this issue. Thus, we asked him a few questions about his own experience with his daughter, and what he would want to convey to other fathers dealing with this in a child of their own. Here are his responses.
How did you discover your child had trichotillomania?
I first learned that by daughter "C" had a problem with her hair during her fifth grade year when she was about age eleven. My wife and I began to notice tufts of hair accumulating around C's bed and in the floor next to the computer in the family room. We then noted that there were patches of hair loss visible on her head. When we asked C about it she said she had been pulling the hair out but didn't know why. She also told us she had been pulling some since the fourth grade.
How did it make you feel? Or think?
My first thoughts were that this must be a small problem that would soon be over or that there was a pill or treatment that would cure her of the problem. I just could not see my beautiful daughter having big patches of hair missing as an ongoing thing.
How did you initially respond?
I immediately started trying to find out about what this 'trich' thing was and how to cure it. I looked on the Internet and found several physicians around the country that had experience with the problem. I called them and asked a lot of questions and got references for reading materials.
Were you able to find any help or treatment?
Among the suggestions I received from those I questioned was to contact TLC. I called Christina and joined. We received the packet of materials that included the names of therapists in our area that have dealt with Trich. We were able to start some therapy. Later after attending some of the TLC conferences we also consulted two members of the scientific advisory board.
What is the hardest thing about your child's struggles for you?
The hardest thing about this is seeing my daughter suffering because of her pulling and the reaction of other people to her problem.
How has your child's problem impacted your family life?
We all have become fairly knowledgeable about trich. We have attended several TLC conferences. My wife has become active on one of the TLC committees. We have also had the opportunity to help with educational projects of TLC.
As a dad, what are good things to do?
The main thing our children need in this situation is to know that they are loved no matter what. I spend a lot of time hugging and holding my daughter. Tell your child you love them often. Give them time. They want to feel loved and accepted even without hair.
What about bad things?
I think the things that are not productive in helping my daughter are to point out that they are pulling or about how they look unless if is a genuine compliment. Don't point out the loose hair around the bed. The child wants to quit pulling more than you want them to. Do not blame anyone or anything for the hair pulling--It just doesn't work that way.
What message do you have for other dads?
If you really love your child, this is the time to step up to the plate and be a man that can love unconditionally. Your child needs you more than he or she needs hair. By the way, love is something you do - not something you feel.
If you were to outline some steps a dad could take, what might they be?
- Love your child.
- Get educated.
- Respect you child as a person.
- Love your child.
- Don't push therapy until the child is ready to deal with the problem. My child is still not ready at 19 but she is not putting her life on hold and is about to begin her second year in a university.
- Love your child.
- Recognize the fact that "you can't fix it". All dads think they can fix everything, but not trich.
- Love your child.
In closing, what would you like to say?
Trichotillomania is a neurobiological condition that affects girls more than boys and usually starts around puberty. At the present time there is no 'cure'. There is help. There is acceptance. There is love. These can greatly help to offset the tremendous shame that pullers have. As dads we need to accept that we cannot fix the problem but we can have huge impact on how this condition will ultimately affect our child throughout their life. Love your child.
Paul D. Schumacher, M.D. can be reached by email at PDSCHU@cfl.rr.com, and welcomes other dads to contact him.