Liz's Story
- Liz
- © Trichotillomania Learning Center, Inc. 2008. All Rights Reserved
I am 38 and have been struggling with trichotillomania for 9 years now. What begun as a small thing became huge for me. At first, I was pulling from a thick head of hair, the damage I was doing was mostly unnoticeable for the first year or so. Then my hair began getting thinner in certain places until finally, patches appeared around my head where there was no hair. I had to buy a wig to cover up the spots I made: the damage was so extensive. I have sought cognitive behavioral therapy and tried many SSRI anti-depressants to control my urges- that did not help at all. My habit got so bad that I would literally pull myself bald. As in, no hair on my head at all. I would go to the TLC retreats and find some relief from pulling (for some reason the supportive atmosphere was really helpful and my urge would just go away) but that never lasted long enough to grow my hair back. I had to wear a wig for 8 years. It was hot in the summer and made me feel self-conscious too. To top it all off, in 2002 I was laid off from my job and I had a lots of time on my hands to be depressed, and to pull and pull and pull. I was at an all time low.
THEN the change happened. I was still in therapy and was put on a new medication called Zonegran, which is a mood stabilizer, and all of a sudden, like a light switch turning off, my urge just stopped. Gone. I don't know for sure if it was the drug or not but to me, it doesn't matter. I stopped pulling and began to re-grow my hair! I recently went off Zonegran but the urge has not come back and I now have a FULL HEAD OF HAIR!!!! It ALL GREW BACK! After years of pulling from the roots and wondering about the permanent damage I was causing my scalp, it came back! Its not as thick as previously was, but it covers everything and I no longer have to wear my wig everywhere. It's been 3 months for me totally pull free and I cannot tell you how happy this makes me and my loved ones. I actually have to go for a haircut, which is the first one I've needed in probably 4 years! It's wonderful.
It can happen...
Here are a few tips that I have used that have worked for me:
#1 Find a doctor that will prescribe a medication that affects "urges". I see a creative psychiatrist, who specializes in mood disorders and had a theory that a mood stabilizer would bring down the "mania" part of Trichotillomania, (he defined "mania" as being in a state of agitation that causes the urge to pull, more than your typical textbook "mania- high thing" that you hear about when think of mania). I tried many medications for OCD without any success and wasn't particularly hopeful... I tried Prozac, Wellbutrin and Celexa before I was put onto the Zonegran.
#2 Try to keep your hands off your face and head. Just keep them down from your face. I would usually start touching or picking at my face and then move to my scalp. Somehow, the touching of my face and head, which I did so often, had an influence on my urge to pull, and then when I stopped that, my urge decreased. Don't know why, it just was a by-product of my not engaging in that behavior. Anytime I find myself going through my hair with my fingers I remind myself to take my hands away from my head and from my face. I didn't focus so much on not pulling, just not going up to my face or head.
Hope this can help someone else out there that is suffering.
My very best!!!
Liz